Blog #2: On the subject of Twilight

***Disclaimer: I know that there are many, many blogs/articles dealing with (i.e. hating) Twilight, and I'm sure they are all better written than my own. But I have to try***
**Note: The phrase "shrieking masses" designates teenage and/or preteen (actually, how can you be teenage AND preteen. You'd have to be two ages at once) girls that would otherwise be drooling over celebrities, clothes, boys, makeup, and whatever else that I, as a geek, would not be interested in (okay, except for the boys. And the clothes. I'm kinda fond of clothes, because they make me more suitable for appearing in public). They are THE ENEMY. (The shrieking masses, that is, not the clothes.)

Because it's such a popular subject, I'd like to make my position clear with a brief statement: "DIE, STEPHANIE MEYER, DIE!" But not really, because I don't want the Feds to break into my house. Please realize that this is not a death threat. I don't want to go to jail. And I would never, ever, wish that someone die a horrible, painful death for stealing one of the few bits of subculture with which I could, as a geek, identify, and delivering it to the shrieking masses. Because that would be wrong.

Now, you, the unnamed, unfaced, nonexistent audience, might like to know how qualified I am to judge Twilight... and I will freely admit: Not very. I've only read the first book, mostly because I am too ashamed to own any others. And to be perfectly honest (which I rarely am... or am I?) I read "Twilight" with a very biased attitude. Now, if you happen to be one of the aforementioned shrieking masses, and would like to engage in a witty argument detailing why "Twilight" is awesome, I will have to ask that you "Shut up and go away!" But don't really, because I'm lonely.

The other day, my English teacher said something like "this may be nerdy, but it's sort of like Twilight," and I stood up (metaphorically) and said "No! You cannot associate nerds with Twilight!" Then there was an awkward silence, and we continued to discuss "The Scarlet Letter," sans the Twilight references.

I won't mention the obvious fact that the main character (see, I'm distancing myself by not saying her name) has NO self-reliance whatsoever, because that has already been masterfully portrayed in "Buffy vs. Edward" by Jonathan McIntosh).

But really, Twilight has stolen vampires from the geeks. Although, to be fair, we never actually had them. Let's make a list. Everything is better with lists! (Unless you can think of something that's not. Please let me know.)

Geeky:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (because she actually SLEW vampires. Is it slew? Or slayed?)
Angel
Blood Ties (Books by Tanya Huff, and the short-lived TV series. Funny story about that: Me, my mom, and my grandmother all had the hots for the vampire, Henry Fitzroy. (Sorry Mr. Schmid). But it makes sense, right, because vampires span multiple generations.)
Dracula (the old one. Heh, he's really old, 'cause he's a vampire)
Vampire: The Masquerade
Van Helsing (The gods-awful movie, with Hugh Jackman. It's geeky because it's bad. Actually, it's just bad).

Not geeky:
Twilight

Undecided:
Anne Rice? I mean, it's more... well... I guess geeks would like that sort of thing... but it's written for... You know what, that's why it's undecided.
True Blood (it's popular, but I can't imagine the shrieking masses reading/watching it)

What do you think? (See how I'm pretending to care? My psychiatrist (i.e. my mom) tells me that I should take interest in the thoughts of other people, so that I won't be cast out of society.)
But really, I am interested. If you can figure out a way to contact me (I don't know if my email is on the profile, or if I have a "forum" per se (heh, like South Park)). Actually, if none of that stuff is available, and you still contact me, I'll be really freaked out. I've got my stakes and silver ready.

Wait, I didn't actually specify what I wanted you to tell me what you thought. And that was an awkward sentence. What I mean is, do you have any other vampire-related books/movies/TV series that I can add to my beautiful, beautiful list?

-Literary device rule #23: Repetition is for emphasis. Repetition is for emphasis. Repetition is for emphasis.